What Divorce Actually Costs

The Numbers Nobody Talks About Honestly

Everyone wants to know the number. Here it is: the average divorce in the U.S. costs between $15,000 and $30,000 per person when attorneys are involved. But "average" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. Your divorce could cost $3,000 or $300,000 depending on a few key factors.

Let's break it down so you know what you're actually looking at.

Attorney Fees

This is the biggest line item for most guys. Divorce attorneys typically charge between $250 and $500 per hour. In major cities, top-tier family law attorneys can run $600 to $800+.

Most divorces require 10 to 30 hours of attorney time if things go relatively smoothly. If you're fighting over custody or significant assets, that can balloon to 50, 100, or even 200+ hours.

Do the math. A 40-hour divorce at $350/hour is $14,000 in attorney fees alone. And that's just your side. Your spouse has an attorney too, and guess what -- you might end up paying for part of theirs depending on income disparity.

The retainer. Most attorneys require an upfront retainer of $3,000 to $10,000 before they start working. That money goes into a trust account and gets billed against hourly. When it runs out, you refill it.

Court Costs and Filing Fees

Filing for divorce costs between $100 and $400 depending on your state. There are additional fees for motions, document processing, and service of papers. Budget roughly $500 to $1,500 for court-related costs.

These are the cheap part.

Mediation

If you and your spouse can agree on most things, mediation is dramatically cheaper than litigation. A mediator typically charges $200 to $400 per hour and sessions usually run 2 to 4 hours each. Most couples need 3 to 5 sessions.

Total mediation cost: roughly $2,000 to $7,000 for both of you combined. Compare that to $30,000+ for two attorneys fighting it out. The financial incentive for getting along is massive.

The Hidden Costs

This is where guys get blindsided.

Two households. You're about to fund two separate lives on the same income that used to fund one. Rent or mortgage on a second place. Duplicate furniture. Separate utility bills. Groceries for two kitchens. This is often the biggest financial shock.

Moving costs. If you're the one leaving the family home (and statistically, you probably are at first), budget $2,000 to $5,000 for moving and getting set up somewhere livable.

Therapy. For you, and probably for your kids. Insurance may cover some of it, but copays add up. Budget $100 to $200 per month for your own sessions.

Refinancing. If one person keeps the house, the mortgage will need to be refinanced into one name. That means closing costs, potentially a higher rate, and appraisal fees.

Tax implications. Your filing status changes. You may lose deductions. Asset transfers can trigger tax events if not handled correctly. A $200 consultation with a tax professional now can save you thousands later.

Insurance. Health insurance if you were on your spouse's plan. Separate auto policies. New renter's or homeowner's insurance. These costs add up to hundreds per month.

What Determines the Final Price Tag

Three factors drive cost more than anything else:

1. How much you fight. Every email your attorney writes costs money. Every motion filed costs money. Every disagreement that can't be resolved between the two of you goes through $300+/hour professionals. The most expensive thing in a divorce is conflict.

2. Asset complexity. A couple with a house, two cars, and retirement accounts will have a simpler division than a couple with businesses, investment properties, stock options, and trusts. Complexity costs money because it requires more professional time.

3. Custody disputes. Contested custody is the single most expensive element of any divorce. Guardian ad litems, custody evaluators, parenting coordinators -- these professionals charge hundreds per hour and can add $5,000 to $30,000 to your total cost.

How to Spend Less

Be strategic, not cheap. Here's what actually moves the needle:

• Agree on as much as possible before involving attorneys. Every item you and your spouse can settle on your own is money saved.
• Use mediation first. Even if you eventually need attorneys, starting with mediation can resolve 80% of the issues at a fraction of the cost.
• Don't use your attorney as a therapist. Venting to your lawyer about what your spouse did costs $350/hour. Vent to your actual therapist at $150/hour.
• Respond to your attorney promptly. Delays create more billable hours. When your lawyer asks for documents, get them over fast.
• Pick your battles. That couch you're fighting over? It's worth $400. The argument about it costs $1,200 in legal fees. Let it go.

The Real Bottom Line

Divorce is expensive. There's no way around that. But the range between the cheapest and most expensive outcomes is enormous, and you have more control over where you land than you think. The couples who cooperate spend a fraction of what the couples who litigate spend. That's not about being soft -- it's about being smart with your money.